DEAR JUMAI,
WHEN I was 18, I was raped by a male friend. I didn’t realize I could get pregnant because I was a virgin at the time and unaware of the signs of pregnancy. My stomach started to grow, but it wasn’t very noticeable, so I thought I was just bloated.
After some months, I found out I was 14 weeks pregnant. I was fortunate to have a successful abortion. I only told one close friend, and no one else knows, not even my parents, who would be highly disappointed, especially since I’m in the university.
Since then, I haven’t been myself. I cry myself to sleep, have gained weight, and suffer from severe back pain, a darkened neck, and memory problems. I feel like I’m on the verge of depression because I never expected this to happen. It’s been really difficult for me, but l believe God will take control and help me through it. Anonymous
Dear Anonymous,
I’m sorry that you’re going through this. What happened is not your fault, and it’s completely normal to feel overwhelmed by everything you’ve been through. It’s important to allow yourself the space to feel and process your emotions, even if they’re difficult. You’ve endured a lot, both physically and emotionally, and it’s okay to not be okay right now. Talking to a therapist could be incredibly helpful. It can provide you with a safe space to share your feelings and help you navigate this pain. Sometimes, simply opening up to someone who’s trained to help survivors of trauma can ease the kind of emotional burden you’re carrying.
Additionally, finding support from others who’ve gone through similar situations, whether through a support group or online community, might remind you that you’re not alone in this. Your physical symptoms, such as weight gain, back pain, and memory issues, could be your body’s way of responding to the trauma and stress you’ve experienced. Consulting a doctor to rule out any medical concerns might offer some relief.
You deserve to feel healthy and cared for, both mentally and physically. It’s also worth acknowledging that healing doesn’t have to conflict with your faith. Leaning onto your belief that God will guide you can bring comfort, but remember, reaching out for help from others is also part of that journey.
Faith and practical support can go hand in hand, and taking steps to heal doesn’t mean you aren’t trusting in God, it means you’re giving yourself the care you need to recover. This is a hard road, but it doesn’t define who you are or where your life is headed. Healing takes time, and it’s okay to take that time for yourself. Be patient with yourself, and know that you are worthy of support, care, and kindness, especially from yourself.
My Boyfriend Is Owing Me
DEAR JUMAI,
MY boyfriend travelled a few days ago and borrowed money from me, which isn’t the first time. He promised to return it, but it’s been six days now and he hasn’t mentioned anything about paying me back. I recently found out he’s made other transactions totalling N700,000. I work a nine-to-five job, and that money is what I had set aside for December. I’m saving up for my friend’s event, and he knows this.
Since we started dating, I’ve never asked him for anything, but he’s borrowed money from me a few times before, always returning it within a few days. This time, I gave him everything I had, and now I’m broke.
He promised to return it the same day. I don’t know how to ask for the money back without creating tension, but I need it, and my life is on hold because I can’t pay for anything. How can I approach this situation without pushing him away? Mercy
Dear Mercy,
It’s important to approach this conversation with a calm and clear mindset. Start by focusing on how the situation is affecting you, making it about your needs rather than his reactions. Express your concerns honestly but without sounding accusatory.
Choose a moment when you can have a private, uninterrupted conversation. Let him know that you trusted his promise and explain the impact not having the money has had on you. Being open and direct will help avoid misunderstandings, and it’s fair to expect him to honour his commitment.
