…Through Positive Male Role Models
BY AMAYINDI YAKUBU
Robert Green Ingersoll, the American orator and politician, once said, “A great man is a torch in the darkness, a beacon in superstition’s night, an inspiration and a prophecy.”
In these times, where the actions of a few threaten to overshadow the collective good, the need for role models, men who rise above and stand for values that uplift society has never been more urgent.
November 19th marks International Men’s Day, a day to acknowledge and celebrate the invaluable contributions of men to their families, communities, and the world at large. Yet, in Nigeria, like in many other parts of the world, the day passes by largely unnoticed.
While International Women’s Day is widely recognised, the essence of International Men’s Day remains underappreciated. On this day, November 19th, the hustle continues as usual, with no major focus on the role of men, who, despite wearing smiles, silently carry the burdens of family and societal responsibilities with quiet resilience.
Though efforts to establish an International Men’s Day have been ongoing since the 1960s, it has struggled to gain widespread attention. Men have long agitated for a day comparable to International Women’s Day (March 8th), a time to reflect on the role men play in society and the challenges they face.
The theme for International Men’s Day 2024, “Positive Male Role Models”, brings this conversation to the forefront, highlighting the importance of men who positively influence their families and communities. It serves as an opportunity to address critical issues that impact men’s lives, including their health, emotional stability, and resilience in a world that often tests their mental fortitude.
Globally, men make up a significant portion of the prison population, with approximately 11.5 million people incarcerated worldwide, according to the University of London’s Institute for Crime and Justice Policy Research (ICPR).
Meanwhile, the National Bureau of Statistics reports that the average life expectancy for Nigerian men, sadly, stands at 55.1 years as against the global average of 70 years, signifying a high level of stress our men face in their daily struggle for survival as men.
This statistic sheds light on the immense challenges men face. Many men fall victim to societal pressures and systemic hurdles, struggling to convert adversity into strength. As a result, some turn to vices that perpetuate cycles of failure and disenfranchisement.
While some men overcome these obstacles and emerge as champions, the journey to success has not always been smooth. Their accomplishments are often hard-won, shaped by a desire to leave a legacy that future generations can aspire to. Yet, for every man who succeeds, there are countless others struggling to break free from the grip of societal pressures.
Men in society have long been taught, through family, religion, culture, and society, that responsibility is paramount. The Bible underscores the sacredness of responsibility, stating, “He who cannot provide for his family is worse than an infidel.” In other words, men are expected to provide for their families emotionally, spiritually, financially, and in terms of security. These heavy expectations can sometimes become burdens, especially in a society where the pressures of life weigh heavily on men, leaving them to silently suffer and navigate the complexities of their roles without sufficient support.
The growing epidemic of ritual killings and cultism among Nigerian youth is a grim reflection of a society in moral crisis. These heinous acts, driven by the obsession with wealth and amplified by social media’s glorification of materialism, are a result of a lack of strong male role models. In the absence of men who exemplify values like integrity, hard work, and empathy, young people often idolise the worst aspects of society, leading them down dangerous paths.
Nelson Mandela once stated, “There can be no keener revelation of a society’s soul than the way in which it treats its children.” Nigeria’s treatment or, at times, neglect of its youth paints a concerning picture of its soul. The country is facing a crisis of male leadership.
While successful men in their careers are easy to find, those who excel both in their professional lives and as responsible heads of households seem much rarer. This paradox points to a deeper issue: achieving success in the workplace often comes at the expense of failing at home.
For men, striking a balance between career excellence, leadership, and family responsibility should be a top priority. While this balance is undoubtedly challenging, it is vital that male figures live selflessly, embodying qualities such as leadership, responsibility, integrity, love, and empathy.
These qualities should form the bedrock of their relationships and approach to family life. Ingersoll’s vision of a great man as a “torch in the darkness” highlights that true men are those who light the way for others, helping them realise their potential and live fulfilling lives.
Across Nigeria, young changemakers like Tunde Onakoya are proving that positive male role models still exist. Onakoya, a chess master and social advocate, is transforming lives in Nigeria’s underserved communities through his initiative, Chess in Slums Africa.
This project uses chess as a tool to empower vulnerable children, providing them with not just a game but a mindset that can change their lives. Onakoya’s passion for the game has allowed him to source funds for the education of children whose families can’t afford school fees. His work is a shining example of how men can positively impact their communities, proving that leadership doesn’t always come from the top but can emerge from the grassroots level.
However, while individual efforts like Onakoya’s are commendable, they are not enough to address the larger societal crisis. Nigeria is grappling with an alarming rise in cultism among students in both secondary and tertiary institutions. This is exacerbated by the absence of male figures who can provide guidance and mentorship to young minds. The glorification of wealth, driven by the desire for instant gratification, has created a generation of young people who see money as the ultimate solution to their problems, leading them down dangerous paths.
The family unit, traditionally the cornerstone of society, is under threat in Nigeria. Absent fathers, broken homes, and the resulting emotional and economic hardships have left many children to fend for themselves.
According to UNICEF, over 10.5 million children in Nigeria are out of school, many of whom come from households where fathers have failed in their responsibilities. These children are growing up in a culture where materialism is glorified, and often trumps values like integrity, hard work, and responsibility.
This troubling reality only serves to deepen the crisis, leading to a growing reliance on dangerous shortcuts like ritual killings. To combat this, Nigeria must redefine what it means to be a man. A true man is not defined by wealth accumulation but by leadership, responsibility, and integrity. Society must celebrate men who prioritise their families, mentor younger generations, and contribute positively to their communities.
This shift in mindset is necessary for societal change, and it’s something that both the government and non-governmental organisations can help facilitate. The National Orientation Agency’s Boys to Men campaign is a step in the right direction, but it needs to be expanded and adequately funded to reach more young men across the country.
Another vital aspect of addressing the male crisis is promoting mental health awareness. The stigma surrounding male vulnerability often prevents men from seeking help, leading to emotional repression and, in some cases, destructive behaviour. The theme of International Men’s Day this year, “Positive Male Role Models”, underscores the importance of emotional resilience and stability. Men who are emotionally grounded and mentally healthy are better equipped to be the role models that society needs.
As Mandela wisely put it, “What counts in life is not the mere fact that we have lived. It is what difference we have made to the lives of others that will determine the significance of the life we lead.” Let this be the standard by which men are measured, those who, through their actions and values, become the change their families, communities, and the world so desperately need.
