BY EVELYN ZORZOR/CHIKA KWAMBA/OGORAMAKA AMOS/OYE CHIJIOKE/JUDITH OBIANUA
Love may be in the air this Valentine’s season, but for many Nigerian couples, romance has turned to ruins. The internet recently erupted with news of yet another high-profile marriage crisis—this time, involving Afrobeats icon 2Baba and his wife, Annie. Just as Nigerians were grappling with the shock of their split, a jaw-dropping video surfaced, showing the legendary singer down on one knee, proposing to another woman—none other than Edo lawmaker, Natasha.
But 2Baba is hardly alone in this unravelling of love. Across the country, the institution of marriage is under siege, with unions crumbling at an alarming rate. Nigeria now ranks among the top 26 nations with the highest divorce rates globally, a chilling statistic that underscores a deeper crisis in relationships and commitment.
As the world celebrates love this Valentine’s season, The Sunday Pointer turns its lens to the rising tide of broken marriages, exploring the forces tearing couples apart and the shifting dynamics of modern relationships. Is love losing its grip, or are we simply redefining it?
Marriage counsellor Mrs Gina Herbert believes that divorce stems from multiple factors. Speaking to our correspondent in Port Harcourt, she highlighted key issues, including domestic violence, infidelity, conflict, and a lack of premarital education.
‘’Money remains a leading cause of marital discord. Economic stress, debt, and differing financial priorities can weaken even the strongest relationships, leading to arguments and, ultimately, separation.
‘’Also, many couples struggle to express their emotions, allowing unresolved conflicts to fester into deep resentment. Over time, emotional distance grows, making reconciliation more difficult.
‘’Unlike previous generations, where divorce was frowned upon, today’s society is more accepting of separation. The stigma once attached to ending a marriage has diminished, making it easier for couples to walk away rather than work through their challenges.
‘’With increasing awareness of mental well-being, individuals are prioritizing their emotional health over societal expectations. Many leave relationships that feel toxic or draining, choosing self-preservation over endurance.
Mrs Herbert also pointed to unrealistic expectations as a major issue. “Some people enter marriage seeking companionship and emotional fulfilment, but when these expectations are not met, they lose interest and sometimes turn to extramarital affairs.” While marriage faces numerous challenges, experts believe couples can build lasting relationships through conscious effort. Mrs. Herbert emphasized that communication is key. “Couples should always talk to each other,” she advised. “Don’t bottle things up and expect your partner to read your mind. Express your likes, dislikes, and concerns openly.”
For some, divorce is a last resort. Mrs Agatha Chimobi, a mother of three, shared her struggles in the early years of her marriage. “There was a time my husband and I didn’t speak for three months, even though we lived under the same roof. He was easily irritated and withdrew completely. I was heartbroken, but I refused to fight him.”
At her lowest point, she considered divorce but found strength in her mother’s words. “She reminded me that marriage has its seasons, and she had endured challenges in her marriage of 31 years. I took her advice, prayed, and decided to talk to my husband instead of walking away.”
Eventually, she discovered the root of the problem—her husband was struggling with major work-related stress but had kept it bottled up. “When he finally opened up, we talked it through, and things began to improve. I realized that communication and patience are everything in a marriage.” However, she added a crucial caveat: “I would never encourage anyone to stay in an abusive relationship. If there is violence, leaving is the safest option.”
According to Mr Ovie Oghenero, who spoke to our reporter, the major cause of divorce today centres around sex and money. In his words, “It is very easy for people to open up on issues regarding domestic violence, ill-treatments and other problems in their marriages. But you see sex, it is not easy for people to easily open up when their sex lives are not going well because of our culture and so people die in silence.
“A lot of marriages are suffering in silence as a result of sexual incompatibility. It is either one partner is denying the other sex or one person is not satisfied. Money is also a leading cause of divorce in our society today. And it is not just the absence or lack of money but sometimes the mismanagement and mistrust that comes with handling money. The pride that comes with money can be found in both men and women. Some men are humble simply because they are poor, the moment they experience a financial breakthrough, their real nature comes out. The same thing applies to some women. When they begin to see money, pride sets in and they begin to misbehave, leading to issues in marriage”.
Some respondents have also suggested certain things that can make marriages last longer. In the words of Mr. Adim Ofor, “People should get married to who they truly love, not just who is available. Some people just go along with whoever is ready and not who they love or care about and that is why when challenges come, they easily give up. A lot of people are also not willing to put in the needed work to make their marriages worthwhile. If people are willing to work on their marriages with the needed patience, marriages would last”.
Speaking with some persons who have had to go through the divorce process, they also shared their experiences. Joy Fejokwu, who is in her second marriage and is also on the brink of a divorce simply described her experience as unfortunate. Her first marriage lasted for roughly four years and it ended on the ground of infertility.
“For the four years that we were married, it seemed like 40 years of grief and pain. I did not know peace. I was busy running around in search of a solution to our childlessness while my husband was nonchalant about the situation.
“I eventually had to leave when my life was under threat. At some point, my food was poisoned and after eating I could not get myself. I used my last strength to call my parents and they asked me to come home. My mother kept praying for me. When I eventually had the strength, I packed my things and went to meet my parents”.
Joy went ahead to narrate how she stayed for another four years before giving marriage a second chance. “I got married to my second husband and within the first year of our marriage, I had my daughter. After the birth of my daughter, he started acting strangely and stopped calling or sending money. We were living in different towns at that time and he would often visit but all of a sudden he stopped calling or visiting. The next thing he told me was that he was no longer interested in the marriage. Right now, I have decided to focus on myself and my daughter. Despite all that I have gone through, I am happy that at least I have my daughter and that is enough joy for me”.
Similarly, one Mr John Iwedike suggested that marriage is divine and couples must struggle to keep their marriage by considering these facts. Iwedike reiterated that couples must improve communication, be open and honest about feelings and concerns they may have, listen actively without interrupting or judging, and resolve conflicts respectfully instead of shouting or blaming.
He further noted that couples should also prioritize each other, spend quality time together despite busy schedules, and show appreciation and affection regularly, including support for each other’s goals and dreams.
Iwedike pointed out that couples must strengthen their trust and honesty, be transparent about finances, emotions, and personal struggles, and avoid being secretive or dishonest, as it can break trust, and when broken, work on rebuilding it with patience and consistency. He also disclosed that couples must keep intimacy alive, express love through small gestures like compliments or surprises and maintain physical and emotional closeness.
Another respondent who spoke to the Pointer, Mrs Josephine Nwadialor said that divorce cases are increasing in Nigeria, and at the local level, the number is also increasing as young people do not attach much-needed values to grow a long-lasting marriage.
Nwadialor posited that if marriage must work, both parties must share their interest and devote their time to raising their offspring, adding that they (couples) must learn how to manage conflicts constructively and address issues early before they grow bigger. She advocated for compromise instead of insisting on always being right, apologising and forgiving each other sincerely when necessary, handling financial issues together, discussing finances openly and creating a budget together.
Nwadialor highlighted that couples who do not want to divorce must avoid unnecessary debts and financial secrets, ensure that they make joint financial decisions for the future with set realistic expectations and understand that no marriage is perfect.
She pointed out that they (couples) should accept their partner’s flaws and work through differences, stop comparing their marriage to others or social media fantasies, and limit interferences from outside. ‘’They should also set healthy boundaries with family and friends and keep personal marriage matters private, focus on solving problems as a couple, and seek professional help when the need arises’’.
According to her, couples must consider marriage counselling and if problems persist, attend workshops or read books on relationships, seek spiritual guidance if faith is important to their relationship and commit to growth and change. She explained that couples must be willing to adapt and improve themselves, encourage each other to be better partners, and keep learning about each other as they grow together, stressing that every marriage faces challenges, but with effort, love, and understanding, most issues can be worked through.
According to Harmony Chidozie, “Incompatibility with both partners like unwillingness to adjust for each other and good understanding of the opposite sex is responsible for the growing divorce rate. ‘Couples should take time to study and understand their partners: what they like and what they don’t like, how they want to be treated, spending more time to communicate with each other and also read books in areas they find challenging in their marriage.
In the words of the teacher and Chef in Asaba, Queency Michael, ”In my view or opinion, I feel what is causing divorce is because we are not ready and too many expectations are attached to marriage. There’s a lot to do as couples but the first thing is never to consider divorce as an option or way out. At any point in your marriage, don’t dream or imagine it, it creates a negative picture. Rather, go into prayer and find a common ground to stand to make your marriage work. So just be determined and focused.
‘’I feel I’m blessed to be in the midst of young girls, married with kids and celebrating at least 10 to 22 years of marriage anniversary. Of course, they quarrel and nag but find a common ground. The only challenge that warrants divorce is life-threatening cases, violence, bullying and so on. If not, please stay in your marriage while always on your knees because you had enough time to choose but you didn’t utilize it well. Maybe, this could be your cross to bear. But once life is threatened, please run.
“Marriage is a huge risk, you can’t tell what tomorrow has in store for you. That fine-looking man might turn dark after losing his job; that girl might become anything that you never imagined but all the same, pray for grace and strength to stay strong together. It’s for better or worse.
“Leave social media, good marriage exist; people are still celebrating 50 years of marriage anniversary so look at them, be intentional, determined, and prayerful. It is sweet all through but they’ve made up their minds to stick together through thick and thin, it shows they are both intentional about the journey and prepared. God will help us to get it right, marriage can make or mar you.
From Abuja, the Federal Capital Territory, Mr Samuel Olinya described marriage as an institution from above, adding that from its inception, divorce wasn’t in the picture. ‘’But a lot of people have misunderstood the main purpose of marriage, infusing divorce as an option. Most people don’t even know the reason why they got married in the first instance, so how will they even know why they are considering divorce? The idea of Valentine’s Day is just overrated. Folks just using that avenue to commit fornication and adultery.
Another respondent from Abuja, Jesse Gye, observed that there has been a decline in communication due to the impact of social media. “Social media have created unrealistic expectations and promote comparison, leading to no communication and intimacy in relationships, and leading to divorce and relationship breakdown. Couples lack the skill for conflict resolution where it’s so hard to fix a little conflict or disagreement leading to the breakdown of the relationship.
Modern life pressure is also a key factor where couples find it hard to cope with the pressure of work, family and finances which also lead to family issues and then divorce.
“The rise of financial independence is also a cause because as women enter the workforce and gain financial stability, they may feel more comfortable and empowered to leave an unsatisfying relationship which is one of the big root causes of relationship breakdown and divorce.
On how to build stronger relationships and avert divorce in marriage, he suggested; “Practice effective communication regularly; always schedule quality time to discuss feelings, needs, and concerns because it’s important to know how your partner feels even if there’s a lot of pressure about work going on with either partner.
“Emotional intimacy is another way to strengthen relationships and always make time for activities that promote emotional connection, such as shared hobbies or romantic getaways, dinner treats and all those nice things couples tend to do. Also, develop conflict resolution skills where couples learn active listening, empathy, and problem-solving techniques to navigate disagreements. Though, it varies with people’s mindsets for any reason I will consider divorce will be infidelity which hurts a lot, especially married couples.
Speaking with Mrs Beatrice Maduka, ‘Couples are not ready to bear with each other, any little fight between them ends up in court. The major cause of divorce is infidelity. Infidelity is on the high side among the men. I say it’s the men because if you look at what is happening now even in social media you can see that the men are the cause.
‘’I have seen a man that has a peaceful and happy family, he was prospering until he cheated on his wife and things began to crumble. He was having an affair with another woman to the extent of having children with her. The surprising part of it is that some of these men don’t end well, especially a man who is wedded in the church. But the question now is: why will a man go to the altar of God to say I do till death do us part and do otherwise? He should remember that it is an oath he took on that altar.
‘’Our men these days no longer have the fear of God in them but I remember what the Holy Bible says, ‘’the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom’’. It seems some of our men lack wisdom. They justify their actions by saying that men are polygamous which is not true. There are still decent men out there who have just one wife and are happy because they know the value. If a man can remain faithful and be satisfied with his wife, I think that will prevent divorce for it is on the high side now.
Mr Ike Aghaulo argued that both parties are the cause of divorce. He stated the problem starts during courtship. ‘’They did not take time to study themselves even why they are married. The woman is in a hurry to marry, the man feels he has found love. Such a marriage does not last. I have seen a marriage that lasted just one week.
Sometimes in-laws are another problem. When a man gets married, his attention to his people is supposed to reduce because he now has a family, I’m not saying he should reject his people but his immediate family first.
